Have you ever been really good friends with a person and then they suddenly decided they no longer want to be friends? You’re hurt and sometimes devastated. Just a few days ago you were talking and laughing about a group trip with the gals and now suddenly things have…changed. At first she won’t answer your text or phone calls and then it starts to get a little deeper. Perhaps you’ve been unfriended or worse, blocked and you literally have NO IDEA of what you did. There’s nothing more annoying than being tried and convicted without a trial. Why the heck are we so petty? Clearly this could not have been a very deep friendship if you can’t tell me why you’re upset with me. If you’re STILL dying to know why your “bestie” ghosted you, check out my list below and ask yourself if any of this sounds familiar:
- You betrayed her trust and shared a secret you should not have let slip. Sometimes we have diarrhea of the mouth and think we can trust another friend to keep a secret. Let’s face it, you did get a little giddy spilling the secret about her husband’s make-out session with another woman last year, but your bestie told you her secret in confidence. If she wanted the girls to know, she would have told them herself. Your behavior is in question, not hers. Can you save this relationship? Trust is a big part of a relationship and this just may be a friendship deal breaker.
- Your friend thinks YOU said something about her that’s not true. This happened to me in college, and I remember being devastated about being called a liar. Of course I never said anything about the girl but another so called friend, who was jealous of our relationship decided to make up a false story to start drama and end the friendship between us. I guess three is a crowd. I tried to explain that I never said a word and it’s the other “friend” who is lying, but I was not to be believed and that was the end of the relationship. I was hurt, but I realized later that SHE was not a true friend if she thought I would talk about her behind her back and say things about her that were completely out of character for me.
- You’re interested in the same man. This can create a gigantic fissure in a relationship. Especially if the man decides he wants to date/marry you. I don’t know if there’s any coming back from this one. You should try to talk it through, because at the end of the day, it’s the man’s choice. Now if she was dating the guy, or told you she was interested in the guy first, YOU should have backed off and will have to come to terms with not being a very good friend. I’ve been there and can tell you it’s a shitty thing to do. Meanwhile, I married and divorced the guy (my friend liked first), and she’s still married to a fabulous man, and going strong for close to thirty years. Who won and who lost?
- She’s jealous of your success. Perhaps you just got a huge promotion and can afford the dinners, an amazing Chanel handbag, a new Lexus or buy a beautiful luxury home. Maybe you got engaged and she’s still single, struggling with a dead-beat dad and your new man is providing plus ++ and more for your kids. Your husband is super successful and you don’t have to work. You started your own business and it took off and suddenly you’re in a different place financially. There are a million scenarios, and you have to come to terms with jealousy. Your friend may never feel comfortable enough to be honest about her feelings and may just slink off, leaving you to wonder what the hell happened. If a friend cannot be happy and your biggest cheerleader when something good happens in your life you’re better off without her.
- You took advantage of your relationship. I had a friend who went through a big financial crisis. Suddenly her life went from being flush with money, vacations and luxury cars to trying to hang on to her house and car. In order to sell her big house and get out from under a gigantic house payment, she had to fix her pool first, which had a huge crack in the foundation after one of the hurricanes. Her bff at the time, owned a pool company. The friend/pool company happily fixed the entire pool issue, with the understanding that the pool company would be paid back after the house was sold. Well, the house was sold and there was never a discussion about paybacks. The couple kept the money and did not pay the friend back. That was the end of that. You cannot take advantage of a friend, it’s not fair. You have not only stolen from this person’s company but you have betrayed the trust of the friendship. There’s little to no recovering from this one.
- You’ve lost a shit-load of weight and look and feel amazing. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve witnessed this problem! Your “friend” liked you better when you were 100 pounds overweight and miserable. Misery likes company. It’s best to cut ties, she is NOT your friend. You should be glad she ended it.
- You’ve done something your bestie doesn’t approve of. I basically lost all of my “starter” friends when I divorced my first husband. They didn’t approve of my choice and I remember feeling crushed. I just hate when women are supposedly your friends but then take your husband’s side. It’s like WTF??? I thought WE were friends. My best friend, Shawn and I have been through husband’s, crazy mother-in-laws, lying, cheating…you name it but we always stick together because we don’t JUDGE EACH OTHER. That’s true friendship. Sure, you can say your piece. “That’s not the right guy for you.” “I don’t like the way he treated you.” But at the end of the day, you’re supposed to be a support system, part of the solution, not part of the problem. I’m actually thrilled I found out who my real friends were years ago! Especially my old buddies from childhood! Shout out to Meg!
- Your friend wasn’t invited to a party and you were. This is sticky because this happened to me but in two different ways. The first was a big party for a mutual friend (about fifteen years ago), where I was left out. I felt that as my friend SHE should have remembered to add my name to the list. I felt so bad about being excluded, I blamed her and almost lost a friend. Luckily she forgave my immature behavior and we are still friends. Flash forward fifteen years and I am helping to organize a party and I leave a mutual friend off of the list. I should have insisted on inviting her, but I was being bitchy and didn’t even bring her up. Of course she stopped speaking to me, because she was hurt about not being included. There’s right and there’s wrong. I probably deserved to be ditched.
- There just isn’t a connection anymore, the friendship has run its course. You just slowly stopped talking or trying to make plans. My daughter, Cameron has informed me that this is very painful because it’s similar to the end of a boyfriend-girlfriend breakup. You still have a void in your life, even if it’s for the best.
- You just had a baby and you’re thrilled but your friend is suffering from infertility. This is where YOU have to be the bigger person and friend. She may need some space to process and you need to give it to her. She may come back to the friendship, so don’t discount her and take it personally. Infertility is soul crushing, don’t make it about YOU when it’s about your friend.
Thoughts? Comments? Is this YOU? Can you identify? Hit me up! Share your stories.