Can You Sabotage a Friendship Before it Even Begins?

Have you ever met someone either through a mutual friend, social media or just at an event, and hit if off? You talk for hours, laugh like the best of friends, finish each others sentences and then it’s time to say goodbye??? Wait! We have something good going on here! Is asking for the person’s number even DONE anymore? Do you go home and stalk her on social media, hoping her settings are not private and then make your request? Do you say, “Hey, what’s your Instagram handle, I’ll follow you?” It’s all a little weird and unnatural.

My latest situation was at a graduation party for one of my students. I ended up bringing my daughter, Cameron, since she also knew the student. I ran into Cameron’s middle school teacher, Tamara. We TOTALLY hit if off! We’re both teachers, we both have daughters, we both love fashion (it was not abnormal to run into her at the Nordy Rack), and she was funny. While it’s true, I do have a bestie and quite a few ladies I’m close with, I haven’t found that local best friend since moving here. After hanging with Tamara most of the evening, I felt like I was one step closer to my new found Charlotte besticle. But as we were about to leave, I blurted out, “What’s your number, I’ll text you.” I felt ridiculous.

Tamara did share her contact (she does have manners), but of course I tried to find her on Facebook and Insta, the minute I got home. I sound like a stalker! Nothing! As teachers, it’s not uncommon to change your user name to something incognito, but I felt odd texting, “Hey, so are you Facebook?” She probably would have said, “Yes, I am but I use my maiden name.” Somehow, I was in the shy zone and could not bring myself to ask. I did text to invite her to our 4th of July Party, but the weather was so heinous, she was afraid to drive. Or perhaps that was my cue? I’m probably reading into this way too much and if she’s reading this, I can probably forget about ever being BFF’s.

So what’s your take on the friendship, first move, phenomenon? Do you get a number first? Say, “Let’s grab coffee or a glass of wine?” Why am I so out of practice? She does have MY number, so it’s possible she’s going through the same issues in which case, if you’re reading this–Tamara, call me!

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