What No One Will Tell You About Custody and the Holidays.

If you don’t know what it’s like to share custody of a child or children with your “Wasband” then you may not be able to relate to this post. The holidays are a very tricky and often emotional time of year. I can share that my own divorce agreement had the holidays carved out into yearly intervals.I, at least had the pleasure of being able to change plans if need be with my ex, who was pretty easy going. Not everyone has that option. Some agreements are so iron clad, there is no room for change. If my ex-husband had a special holiday event planned with his family (not just the usual Chanukah or Passover Seder), I like to believe and think I was amiable. Nevertheless, divorce is so painful and let’s face it, no one wants to split time with their kids. I confess, I hated every minute of it and completely understand why people stay for the “kid’s sake.” It’s actually crushing when you can’t take your own kids out trick or treating because it’s his turn, or you have Christmas Eve but he getsChristmas Day.

I know, you can’t fathom Halloween could actually be a bone of contention, but it is. There are very few couples who are able to “consciously uncouple”, and now spend the holidays together in the Caribbean. One big happy family! Oh please. Even Gwyneth probably asked herself, “WTF???” I was lucky because my current husband is Christian and my ex-husband is Jewish, so Christmas with my husband, Philip’s family was always a go and so much fun. There is something pretty exciting about kids tearing down the stairs anxious to tear into some gifts. I get it.

So what’s the best way to deal? I don’t know if there is a good way to get through a painful and lonely time. Splitting the day is an option for some. We used to each have one night of Passover, but there’s only one night of Thanksgiving. I think it’s best to allow yourself to feel sad and miss your kids. You don’t have to be Little Miss Perfect. I had a friend who used to work at the shelter when her children were at their dad’s for Christmas. She claimed there was no time to feel lonely or sad, in fact she was just thankful. I admired her for doing such a kind and selfless act. I preferred to wallow. I’m still a little weepy if I think about it too much but it’s a topic that should be discussed. The thought of your now remarried ex and his new wife taking over your spot is probably unfair to her and unlikely, but it sure feels accurate. This is not a hate post on step-parents but I’m being true to my audience when I say, you’re lucky if your kids have a great step-mom (my kids did), but the resentment is still there. Why does she get to be the hero? It’s not rational (unless it is LOL), but it’s reality.

I have recently been addicted to Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett-Smith and her family. It’s interesting and somewhat comforting to know that even the rich and famous share our issues. Jada actually has Will Smith’s ex-wife on and they finally talk frankly about some messy topics concerning divorce and custody. Check it out, it’s pretty raw and real. I related all too well, and I bet you will too. Sometimes you just have to know you’re not the only one out there.

Help! My Body Has Betrayed Me!

Have you ever felt like your body is betraying you? I know I have just turned fifty (have you heard?), but my body began doing things on its own around thirty-five. I’ve had five kids; I shouldn’t complain but the first four times I bounced back pretty easily. I ate what I wanted, although I […]

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Why Black Friday Let Me Down

Can someone please tell me what happened to Black Friday and Cyber Monday? I already have a big screen TV, a computer and a cell phone, so what did I have to gain? Did I miss something? My daughter and I hit the mall, with promises of major deals. Yes, the Gap and Old Navy […]

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What People Won’t Tell You About Loneliness

The holidays can be a very lonely time. At school, students often act out. I learned throughout the years, that most teens aren’t going to tell you they’re sad. For adults, it can be the same issue. People don’t like to admit they’re upset. There’s the single mom or dad who has to send his […]

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10 Secret Santa Gifts That Will Make You the Hero

Secret Santa. You love it or you hate it. There’s usually a spending limit (around the $10 or $15), so the gifts are a fair exchange. Without the cap, there’s always that person who buys the pathetically unimaginative, and somewhat sad, Starbucks gift card. The person who ultimately receives the gift card doesn’t drink coffee […]

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One Big Mistake to Avoid During the Holidays

You’re probably too young to know who Emily Post is, but for years, (see 18th and 19th editions below), she was the voice for all rules on proper etiquette. What is etiquette, you ask? According to the dictionary, it’s the customary code of polite behavior in society. You may say, “I’m not a part of “society”, […]

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4 Compelling Reasons to be Thankful

This month marks the beginning of one of my favorite times of the year. The first day of November is filled with the anticipation of Thanksgiving, birthday celebrations, Chanukah and Christmas. I’ll be honest, I love any holiday that deals with eating, and presents. As you know by now, food is one of my favorite […]

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The Dirty Little Secrets About Social Media

I realize I’m new to the world of blogging and most of all, Instagram. I thought I was killing Facebook with my all of 500 followers, but once I decided to take my social media game to the next level to increase my blog traffic and perhaps monetize I realized I was in some very […]

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4 Bag Trends You May Want to Avoid

Have I mentioned that I’m going to be 50 in a few weeks? Once or twice? Oh, I wasn’t sure. The latest handbag trends have me feeling every ounce of my age. I like a good solid fad, I’ve even succumbed to a few (see article on Swatch watches). I wore the tightest Jordache Jeans […]

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